Do you believe in coincidences? The title for this blogpost was dictated by the song.
The year is finalizing itself. And just writing that I remembered an old expression. Have you lived a year, or has the year lived you? “I have been really really lucky to have learned few things quite early” – ego talk. I could go on and on – on the things I went through and I would not reach you, my friend. I have to become YOU, to speak to you.
I have no time. I haven’t had time since the kids were born as far as I remember, maybe even before that. They are wonderful and I love them more than I could imagine, but I get this weird feeling sometimes that I rushed into it.
I love my wife. She’s my passion and my best friend. I could not ask for any other human being. Although not a year passes, that I would not remember that party, that glimpse, that reached down my soul and I was too afraid to do anything about that.
My job is ok. That’s a solid pay that ensures my family’s security. I’m well respected among my colleagues and occasional work trips are a great way to wind out and escape routine and lovely screams at home. Monday morning is a bitch though.
My father is getting old. Everyone does but seeing your roots rot is something no one warned me about. Sometimes I want to cry, but can’t. Not because I couldn’t. But because I have no time. It seems like this whole life is nothing but a stream of problems thrown at me.
I remember the simpler times. Me and my friends used to hang out in the summers. Burn campfires, watch sunsets, listen to music. I had no fucking clue it would accelerate this fast. Yesterday I was learning to ride a bicycle. Yesterday we pranked the history teacher. Yesterday I was going to festivals. Yesterday I met my future wife. And today my fucking back hurts already.
Ok, I remember now. …I had bigger dreams. Not that what I have now is bad, I love my life, but along the way there were so many choices… and… no, it can’… I choose good. This is good.
When I reach zero, you will wake up. 0.