Elliott Hulse once said vibration breaks things, when talking about breathing technique followed by catharsis. Well, that I have lived on my own body yesterday night though a magic of Dance.
Whole Saturday was a 24km canoe trip down the river Merkys. The evening was pretty traditional for Lithuania. Food on fire, sauna, volleyball, talking gibberish as well as revivification of suppressed love between co-workers aided by streams of alcohol. Well I swapped alcohol for cannabis once again. The dance floor was a multi-terrain ground with strobe light and 0.5kW music from smartphone. When I finished the joint, it was dark and people had been dancing already.
Dance of a lifetime – dance of freedom
I danced my way into circle. It was something like a cup of water spilled into the bath. Nothing particularly changed until I felt the force of music in me. Not around, not near, in me. As if I was a speaker and my dance was the sound everyone else shared. This gave me the power reserves for the rest of 1-2 hours I had never dreamed existed after a long day of sweating. I started to feel casual stream of thoughts passing through my mind in a controlled manner this time (musical rhythm maybe). I tried to figure out the purpose of dance, which I always struggled to understand watching from outside. Since I had an overclocked mind I could find answers to much harder nuts than this.
Vibration breaks things, remember? And what is shatters is the worst in us. Social conditioning. How am I looking, what do they think about me, am I too aggressive/intrusive (male dilemma), am I a slut to make these moves (female dilema) and fair amount of others. I suddenly realized nearly everyone around me had to suppress their minds with alcohol to overcome a bunch of these questions. I could see the more stifled people inside dance circle and sitting at the table near by, as well as those who faked their pleasure of motion in exchange for group validation and only one who is more of a natural in this field and therefore has my respect. Although the guy does in unconsciously.
I recently discovered one of the best ways to treat Borderline personality disorder is to lead by example. I did not think of this yesterday; though I acted it out. I live through limbo all my life. I’m sick of it. I tired of logically dispensing with this reality. I did the only thing I saw an only appropriate action on the table. To express myself in a magnifying manner, so fakery of others is destroyed tonight at least for this one night. This one, unforgettable night. Because if I manage show them the door of authenticity, people will write that moment for the rest of a lifetime. And I’ll be in there, among first kiss, their newborn’s smile and other memories people carry for a lifetime.
Because in a world of fake, natural stands out.
I might expand on this sometime.
Understanding Zion’s party
As I mentioned, altered states bring illusion of knowing and understanding everything on which focus is placed. This happened with plenty movies, for example. I once had a suggestion of taking another look at the Matrix series overclocked. But I save that option. Naturally analyzed phenomena is always more sustainable and more integrable to the being of one’s self. Yesterday observing myself and colleagues dancing I had an image of Zion party to pop up in my mind.
I thought, every similar act of common dancing in a group is sort of group therapy, ritual. And this predates humans, meaning is far stronger than the social conditioning we were able to cast on our selves since some kind of culture emerged.
So in a weird way I was able to analyze one scene of Matrix without actually exposing my self to it. And what I felt was a pure freedom. Today, it seems ironical, I know, because cannabis mediated this. But yesterday I was in a bliss of freedom, which I’ve been chasing since I caught a glimpse of it.
I want to to point out two things from Zion party pictured in Matrix series.
- Machines are approaching Zion, last human city on the planet, to destroy it. People of Zion break their fear through motion and ultimate party which transcends any physical threat. Machines can take their bodies, but the conscious mind won’t fall with the body.
- Only looking for picture did I notice the pair dancing but another guy behind the girl dancing with her as well. What this means is also human energy is shared. I know it sounds hippy and shit, but that’s a close approximation to what I was feeling yesterday. The pair does not exist. Male and feminine are biologically determined expressions, but there is a layer of personality, which overrides every cultural difference between two humans. That personality I call the most free.
Seeing this all around me I closed my eyes and let go of everything stopping a man of dancing like nobody’s watching. The immediate validation of the group followed, but non the less I was free of it as well. Nobody could now mess with the energy generator. Once you fuck up that, you are a party pooper. Nobody wants to be a party pooper. Again, for the group shaming. People don’t know that consciously, but act it out anyway. Funny.
So no power, arrogance, territorial games were present. Now I say that is a fine setting for a party of liberty.
That song above, which hopefully was in a background while reading was probably 4-5th since I joined the dance circle. Around 80% of a time I could expect then the beats would drop in the songs, which define energy levels of atmosphere. Having ability to align motion with music in perfect matter I could feel resonance building up inside me. Vibration breaks, things, remember? This made me smile with the most genuine smile ever. We are building this together and if done properly, this will never be forgotten.
There were technical issues, when the music stopped and everyone expressed their discontent in a prolonged “awww”. My dance never stopped. My music was inside me. I was a speaker. And if people wanted (in the end me and one colleague were dancing perfectly without music, even in separate individual tunes, but the energy was common). I felt a huge disappointment when people stopped pretending and this made me push myself (even when there was no music) to unseen levels. Leading by example. When I felt energy of the dance circle was sustainable I left occasionally to dance alone and invite others from the table.
After sometime (time in flow state ceases to exist) I engaged in personal dances with my female colleagues. It was fun playing around the boundaries of my partners. Different people, age, personal relationships between two people are only few criteria under which personal space is demarcated.
Dance is the ultimate game to check these boundaries. I don’t want to expand here, but the gist of it is this: During a ritual, people tend to forget who they are outside of given experience. And I would be very cautious to let my future (?) life partner on such cathartic experience alone. Hypocritical, I know. Life is complex and same question may have two true opposing answers at the same time.
Once you hit certain level, you become the prison guard of your mind. You are no longer bullshited by society. You create rationalizations, and bullshit stories as if why you can’t, won’t express the best in you. I believe that is another idea popularized (or created) by Elliott Hulse. Since none of us is free all the time, these moments may seem ambivalent, even scary. Scary of how untrue and unnatural most things are. Knowing that you arrive at the ultimate question: what is true then? If freedom is scary, do our minds create an inside prison to save us from our unlimited potential?